One of my friends and I went for a hike last week. I was really excited for multiple reasons. The first was that we took the bus out to the mountains.. I know I often get giddy about public transportation, but really.. in how many places are the mountains accessible by bus? We did have to take a short "urban hike" as the Stuk family calls it in order to get to the trailhead, but all the less very close to the city. Secondly, the snow was perfect for hiking. Crunchy and secure under my boots. We hiked up for a distance to a flatter area, where I got a chance to sit and look out over the city and reflect on the last few weeks here.

Here are some unrelated thoughts I have been mulling over for the past few weeks..

There is a hard between not doing things that don't bring your joy and are exhausting.. and losing your lives for others and the sake of the gospel.

Sometimes when you walk into the fiery furnace, you might get burned. I am reminded that that was kind of the point.

I know part of this blog title is "acting justly", but I think sometimes I need to think less about acting justly, and just live and love.

Even though my thoughts are usually running a million miles a minute, I feel that my time in this beautiful city has helped me to gain perspective and find joy in solitude. I sat on this mountain with contentment in Mother Teresas suggestions that we are only able to do small things with great love.

I was thinking about writing a blog about resistance. It was going to be about rest, and listening and hanging your clothes on the line.. I will probably still write letters to you all about all of that.. but here is what is coming to me tonight:

Resist the urge to hold in tears

To keep it together

and put on your game face

Unravel

and do not remain hidden

even from yourself.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about frustration that we keep praying about the same things over and over again. We feel like we have peace over a certain part of our lives, but then there we are again praying for the same thing, whether it be patience or faith or the increase of love in our hearts. It can be frustrating that I find myself still wrapped up in the same prayers for my life. I recalled this conversation yesterday as I was reading my journal for the past few months of my time here in Albuquerque. As i read my journal, i was amazed and how often I repeated myself. But I felt like as frustrated as I could be that I wasn't changing (or being changed) I was also understanding grace more and more.

Here was a prayer I discovered as I read back over my journal.

I come to you, again

Broken, paralyzed, in need.

Thankful of your steadfast love

and unwavering mercy.

Knowing you see the best version of me

and let the rest fall away

Forgiven each day

again and again.

A benevolent darkness

Publish Post

Yes a friendly night, a benevolent darkness with restful shadows. In then, the movement of my soul is not hindered. On the contrary it can spread out, be fulfilled, grow and be joyful. I feel at home, safe, fearless, desirous only of staying like this for hours....

The darkness is necessary. The darkness of faith is necessary, for God's light is too great. It wounds. I understand more and more that faith is not a mysterious and cruel trick of God who hides himself without telling me why, but a necessary veil. My discovery of him takes place gradually, respecting the growth of divine life in me.

Carlo Carretto

I know I am terrible at updating my blog.. This is a picture of where I go running everyday. Its along an arroyo, one of the irrigation ditches that run through Albuquerque. I always see the sun setting in front of me, and beautiful mountains on my way home. Along the long irrigation ditch, there are wild flowers and weeds which stand beautifully, despite the concrete surrounding them. It is officially my favorite place here. I've been keeping it to myself for about two months, but thought I'd share this piece of my life with you.

After reading an amazing article by Walker Percy, called "Loss of the Creature", I have been thinking a lot about expectations for experiencing life. Percy mentions some about how we sometimes try to capture beauty before really just taking it in. He also mentions sometimes how we have expectations for having amazing experiences, instead of just living life and experiencing life as it comes (Also, he might not have said that, and thats just what I took from it.. but I liked it a lot). In an attempt to live in the present, I decided to put down my camera for a month or so.

I had the urge to come photograph this place immediately, but have taken my time taking it in and appreciating it. The other day, I decided to finally take some photographs. To conclude.. i'll leave you with one of my favorite flowers here in Albuquerque...

" Stand on the shores of a site unseen

The substance of this dwells in me

Cause my natural eyes only go skin deep

But the eyes of my heart anchor the sea

Plumbing the depths of the place in between

The tangible world and the land of dreams

Because everything ain't quite what it seems

There's more than the appearance of things"

... Josh Garrels

Come with me into the desert.

"Love one another. Just as I have loved you. This is not only to give up the blanket, but life itself. The perfect act of love consists in being ready to do what Jesus did: he died for Kada, for me, for everybody. Seen in this way, heaven is the place where everyone must be so mature in love as to offer his life for all others. It is love which is universal , and lies at the heart of things; where every vestage of hate, resentment, and selfishness has been destroyed by this love and cast into its fire. "

These are the reflections of Carlos Carretto in Letters From the Desert as he thinks about his choice not to give an extra blanket to a stranger on a cold desert night. As Carretto asked himself, I ask myself tonight:

"What's the use of giving up everything and coming here to the desert and the heat, if only to resist love? "

Community

When I started this blog years ago, I let everyone know that most of my entries would not be my own words, but mostly the words of others.

"We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community"

Dorothy Day

Anyway I've been reflecting on this quote a lot in my first week of life in Albuquerque. New city, new people, new job, it can all be a little overwhelming. I've felt so comforted by everyone who has welcomed us to the city and for awesome community-mates who have laughed, danced, and listened.

Even though its easy to feel lonely in a foreign place, I rejoice that God has put people in my life here already that remind me of His goodness.

And it doesn't hurt that its pretty beautiful out here!