I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about frustration that we keep praying about the same things over and over again. We feel like we have peace over a certain part of our lives, but then there we are again praying for the same thing, whether it be patience or faith or the increase of love in our hearts. It can be frustrating that I find myself still wrapped up in the same prayers for my life. I recalled this conversation yesterday as I was reading my journal for the past few months of my time here in Albuquerque. As i read my journal, i was amazed and how often I repeated myself. But I felt like as frustrated as I could be that I wasn't changing (or being changed) I was also understanding grace more and more.

Here was a prayer I discovered as I read back over my journal.

I come to you, again

Broken, paralyzed, in need.

Thankful of your steadfast love

and unwavering mercy.

Knowing you see the best version of me

and let the rest fall away

Forgiven each day

again and again.

A benevolent darkness

Publish Post

Yes a friendly night, a benevolent darkness with restful shadows. In then, the movement of my soul is not hindered. On the contrary it can spread out, be fulfilled, grow and be joyful. I feel at home, safe, fearless, desirous only of staying like this for hours....

The darkness is necessary. The darkness of faith is necessary, for God's light is too great. It wounds. I understand more and more that faith is not a mysterious and cruel trick of God who hides himself without telling me why, but a necessary veil. My discovery of him takes place gradually, respecting the growth of divine life in me.

Carlo Carretto

I know I am terrible at updating my blog.. This is a picture of where I go running everyday. Its along an arroyo, one of the irrigation ditches that run through Albuquerque. I always see the sun setting in front of me, and beautiful mountains on my way home. Along the long irrigation ditch, there are wild flowers and weeds which stand beautifully, despite the concrete surrounding them. It is officially my favorite place here. I've been keeping it to myself for about two months, but thought I'd share this piece of my life with you.

After reading an amazing article by Walker Percy, called "Loss of the Creature", I have been thinking a lot about expectations for experiencing life. Percy mentions some about how we sometimes try to capture beauty before really just taking it in. He also mentions sometimes how we have expectations for having amazing experiences, instead of just living life and experiencing life as it comes (Also, he might not have said that, and thats just what I took from it.. but I liked it a lot). In an attempt to live in the present, I decided to put down my camera for a month or so.

I had the urge to come photograph this place immediately, but have taken my time taking it in and appreciating it. The other day, I decided to finally take some photographs. To conclude.. i'll leave you with one of my favorite flowers here in Albuquerque...

" Stand on the shores of a site unseen

The substance of this dwells in me

Cause my natural eyes only go skin deep

But the eyes of my heart anchor the sea

Plumbing the depths of the place in between

The tangible world and the land of dreams

Because everything ain't quite what it seems

There's more than the appearance of things"

... Josh Garrels

Come with me into the desert.

"Love one another. Just as I have loved you. This is not only to give up the blanket, but life itself. The perfect act of love consists in being ready to do what Jesus did: he died for Kada, for me, for everybody. Seen in this way, heaven is the place where everyone must be so mature in love as to offer his life for all others. It is love which is universal , and lies at the heart of things; where every vestage of hate, resentment, and selfishness has been destroyed by this love and cast into its fire. "

These are the reflections of Carlos Carretto in Letters From the Desert as he thinks about his choice not to give an extra blanket to a stranger on a cold desert night. As Carretto asked himself, I ask myself tonight:

"What's the use of giving up everything and coming here to the desert and the heat, if only to resist love? "

Community

When I started this blog years ago, I let everyone know that most of my entries would not be my own words, but mostly the words of others.

"We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community"

Dorothy Day

Anyway I've been reflecting on this quote a lot in my first week of life in Albuquerque. New city, new people, new job, it can all be a little overwhelming. I've felt so comforted by everyone who has welcomed us to the city and for awesome community-mates who have laughed, danced, and listened.

Even though its easy to feel lonely in a foreign place, I rejoice that God has put people in my life here already that remind me of His goodness.

And it doesn't hurt that its pretty beautiful out here!

Soundtrack to my life right now.

This is what I've been listening to in case you were by any chance wondering:

"i can feel it burning in my chest
the liberation for the oppressed
and it’s beautiful like the feet that bring good news
beautiful like this freedom tomb
beautiful like the power to choose
to change
beautiful like the long awaited rain
beautiful like the healing pains
beautiful like the holy flames, coming down"
All Creatures by Josh Garrels

Josh Garrels
especially... Joyful Boy, Train Song, and Rejoice and Lament (but really just all of them)
Joshua Rosen
Mourning Yearning by Ben Harper
Thanks to Carol.. "Tell Him" by Lauryn Hill